Dealing with Loss

Hi Friends!

I have been resisting writing lately because I know I want to write about my dad. But the pain of writing it out sucks. Grief is hard.  When it comes up – – you either choose to feel it and release it or you hold it inside until another moment.  And grief is never convenient – it pops up at random times or when you least expect it. It is a part of life and dealing with it is a part of growing up.  So I thought I might share a bit about what I learned for it all so far and how I am dealing with it. I was inspired to share a bit about this post after reading chickpeainthecity’s post about losing her mom.

4/20/17

It has been one year.  One year that flew by very quickly.  Everything that happened I still remember so clearly.

A bit of backstory…back in October 2016, my dad went to the hospital with chest pains and difficulty breathing.  They ran some tests and the doctors found a golf-ball sized tumor on one of his lungs.  After many more tests, my dad was diagnosed with melanoma.  The tumor had developed on the outside lining of the lung and was spreading.  The treatment for melanoma at this stage is minimal, but there was a chemo type drug available in pill that slowed the tumor from growing.  Luckily, this allowed us to spend another holiday season together as a family. <3 And by March 2017, the cancer developed resistance to the drug and we rushed my dad to the hospital. In less than a week, the tumor took over his entire lung. (one side) (Now that I have taken Anatomy and Physiology – I understand how big our lungs are…) The next 3-5 weeks, my dad fought the best he could.   There was little improvement and eventually we had to say good-bye to our time on Earth together.

After a year has passed, I have been reflecting a lot on myself, how I am dealing, and what I can learn from this awful situation.  If anything, I must learn something to make all of this worthwhile.

Here is What I am Learning for my Dad:

Life is too short.

I think reminders that life is short is necessary.  We take for granted our life and the truth is that we never know how long it will be.  Time flies by and there isn’t a moment to waste. I think a part of dealing with the pain is deciding that you won’t live a life of mediocrity.  I know we are all here to make an impact, but part of that is getting out of your own way.  Stop letting excuses take over your life.  Start taking steps towards what you feel called to do. Take a risk and play big!  I let the pain of losing my dad fuel me to live the life that I want. I don’t want to waste this life “waiting” for opportunities to come along – I want to create them and find them.

 

Self-care is required to heal.

Last year, I quit my Orange Theory membership because intuitively I knew that the internal stress wasn’t a match for what my body needed to heal emotionally.  I turned to hot yoga instead and found that it was exactly what my body needed to release emotions and negative energy.  Even though I wanted to turn myself onto full on hustle mode, I knew that I shouldn’t use work to numb myself from my feelings. I still had to strive for balance on taking care of myself AND pushing myself to create the life I want.  It sure isn’t easy to balance, but it is necessary to learn if you want to be successful.

Stop caring what people think.

One of the best things I learned from my dad was to not care what other people think. My dad fully embraced himself and who he was. And he was AWESOME. People loved him because he didn’t hide anything. Caring what people think can hold us back. People are going to think what they want to think and wasting our energy worrying about it is pointless.  I don’t think I could write for this blog if I cared how people *might* perceive something.  This is something I am continually working on, but I am glad I have such an inspiration to remind me not to worry about other people.

 

Be positive and make the most out of life. 

Moving forward isn’t easy, but staying positive and hopeful keeps things going. Life is short and I know that I will be with my dad again in the future. For some reason, I am still here on earth so I have to make the most of it. For him! 

 

Moving Forward…..

Even though last year was a hard year…It was also a great year with a turn of exciting events. I got engaged on my birthday Dec 3rd 2017 to my best friend, Andy. We plan to be married on August 3rd, 2019 in Bemidji, MN.  We cannot wait to spend a week with our friends and family at our favorite resort Ruttgers Birchmont Lodge – a family favorite place where we both grew up going to.  My dad loved this resort enough to take us there more than once. LOL  My dad had an adventurous spirit that took us all over different MN spots so going back to one place was rare. haha

Also I decided to take another leap in my career and go back to school.  I have been taking night classes at a local community college to take Anatomy and Physiology I and II so I could apply to a Physical Therapy Assistant program!! If I have learned anything over the last 5 years, it is that I am very passionate about holistic health and healing people with body, mind, and soul. I believe in western medicine, but natural remedies are overlooked way too often. After losing my dad, it sparked and even greater fire in me and I knew something had to change.

AND I am super excited to share, last week, I found out that I was officially ACCEPTED into our local PTA program!!  I know this is another sign that I am on the right path. All the programs in IL are VERY competitive.  They only accept 20 people per year and have a lot of requirements in order to even apply.  I am excited to work in a career that will make a difference in people’s lives and move closer to my purpose. But don’t worry — I have lots more plans for this blog and I don’t plan to ever stop writing and sharing! 🙂

There are lots of exciting things to come and I miss my Dad more everyday.  I know he is watching me from above and guiding me through life. I am grateful to have such an awesome Dad watching my back….and saving me still. hehe

 

xox
Chelsea Jolene